My day has been consumed by Danzig. Rumor has it he will be the new Bret Michaels a la Rock of Love. If this is true I’m not sure if this is the best news ever or If VH1 is raping my childhood. Regardless, there needs to be more Danzig in my life, besides the 5am bonding sessions with the boys.. I am thinking a Danzig book club. I wonder if he is familiar with the Danzig Trilogy by Gunter Grass…..
..its kind of creepy that his bookshelf seems like its by a pool…
You jerks thought I was crazy. Not this time……
(and just because I want to cuddle with a baby panda does not mean I’m soft)
You slapped me and then I spit on your tits. I’m sorry I told my friends you have chlamydia. I miss you. I know you don’t ever want to see me again and it’s prolly for the best because you disgust me. I love you, bitch.
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You kept me company by the toilet for a very long time, and I don’t feel bad about it because you wouldn’t make out with me until I took 4 shots of that shitty hairspray vodka.
What happened? Why, why, why did you respond to all those craigslist casual encounters ads? Why did you have to include your phone number and pictures? Why did you call me cold to that one girl? Why aren’t you picking up your goddamned phone right now?
I love you so much but I hate you and I don’t trust you and I’m thinking about calling your mother and telling her what you did, and calling the landlord to get out of the lease before it starts, and changing my phone number, and moving back with my mother, and never talking to you again.
Iron Ethel Read and I ( Empress Dirt Down ) began with the customary cocktails and bitch fest extraordinaire..then.. heavy metal science club took a field trip…..
A tipsy field trip. I will emphatically say that drunk record shopping is the best record shopping of all. While I was bummed I didn’t find a copy of Bubble and Scrape my craving for some 199nasty indie rock was satiated by me breaking down and buying Keep it Like a Secret …which “ironically” I tried to keep my first purchase a secret back in 1999. … I think I lost the record in a subsequent divorce… but shit this isn’t Indie Rock Science Club, this is Heavy Metal Science Club and I digress.. I coped Hidden World cause just the other day I was reminded of an interview Fucked Up had in Maximum Rock and Roll, which reminded me of Maximum Rock and Roll, which reminded me that it has since gone the way of the dinosaurs which is fucked up. ( full circle my friends full circle) Iron snagged the only copy of Stations of the Crass which evoked a minor temper tantrum on my part. Then I remembered that I only like to listen to Crass in my car at 4am …parked.. windows down… singing along to Bloody Revolutions …. so that was fine. (I was a bit salted about the live Motorhead she got at Mags…May baby May… ) I picked up a replacement copy of Rumors since I wore mine out last winter .. and spent a good 20 minutes rapping with old dude about what a a “primo” copy it was and how Lindsay Buckingham is god damn amazing. ( Fleetwood Mac n Cheese part II ??) A few hundred dollars and a couple vitamin J’s later the night is somewhat a blur.. it ended as Heavy Metal Science Club usually does, still at the bar 4am, listening to rap music and making out with people you shouldn’t.
hahahaha
Today I interviewed a bonafide lumberjack and some chick that is the closest possible human embodiment of a butterfly to ever exist ..ever…
I am so over these blood bank rejects and their wretched resumes and crappytown portfolios.
So if you need a job..or know some one that needs a job…I have like 10 I am trying to fill:
First I need a PT Marketing person .. basically someone to provide creative concepts and production of agency marketing materials blah blah blah .- 25 hours tops. Flexible, salaried, I guess you could do work from home …but if I like you ill make you come in so I have someone to play with.
Then I need a FT accounting person…A/R A/P….payroll – all that nastiness.
Next 2 or 3 Admin Assistants. You know the drill on this one. I will tell you up front I have a bias towards Russian lesbians and hot boys with neck tattoos.
Finally a lifeguard. No.. there is not a pool ..but hands down interviewing lifeguards might be my favorite thing ever. And you can never be too careful.
Kid art is by far the best of all arts. There is always something so pure and raw about it. And even though I stay as far away as possible from all that patriotic-god bless America-freedom-never forget-bull shit.. I really wish i had saved the paintings and drawings my kids did in the art room that day. We went through most of the cadmium red…good for flags and blood…
First let me give a nod to Iron for hipping me to this mammoth. I am thinking a fall field trip to the National Radio Astronomy Observatory is very necessary.
http://www.gb.nrao.edu/epo/gp/gbt/gbtindex.shtml
In the mean time- satisfy your astronomical proclivities with this bad boy. ( If anyone knows where I can find little baby sized magnifier glass that would be super…)
its gonna be that kind of weekend ..this shit is amazing:
Dear Iron,
I have a friend who is “shy or may have some reservations about (his) own personal level of commitment to the heavy metal lifestyle”. Honestly I think the poor fool thinks Heavy Metal Science Club is the Satanist version of Scientology. How can I convince him that this club is indeed enlightened fun incarnate and not devil worshiping anarchistic terrorism? I truly believe there is head banging tattooed tendencies inside his Britney Spears rattled brain. What do I do?!?
Help
Heavy Metals and Science LUVR
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Dear Heavy Metals and Science LUVR,
First of all it’s of upmost importance that you alert your friend to recent studies that have been conducted in switzerland correlating brain damage with overplaying britney spears albums. the study concluded as long as there is alcohol consumed and lots of sweaty dancing most of the effects should be neutralized. s/he may need to contact a neurologist just to be safe. now, on to the important stuff.
we here at HMSC actively encourage the use of the scientific method in as many daily activities as possible. encourage your friend to attend a meeting and bring a notebook so that they may record observations. later they can form a hypothesis and test it at the meeting the following week. this way your friend can discover the magic of science and having a notebook is a great conversation starter or deterrent depending on their level of comfort. your friend will quickly see that HMSC is nothing like scientology since there is no tom cruise and no brain-washing. in fact, tom cruise hates science. don’t let the name of his cult fool you. we here at HMSC headquarters are confident that once your friend experiences the full awesomeness of HMSC for himself that it will only be a matter of time until the majesty of norwegian black metal will shine down on your friend causing a life-changing experience that will need to be honored with some sort of fresh tattoo, probably something with lightening bolts. as for the satan-worshipping and anarchy we believe every person with the application of science will reach their own reasonable, scientifically supported conclusion.
horns,
empress iron ethel read,
co-founder HMSC
